I do some of my best wheel-spinning while drinking vanilla lattes at Perfect Blend, as I wait for the overpriced spin cyle to stop next door. Grateful Dead playing. Things are good...
Well, Kimmy did a bad, bad thing. I wasn't going to mention it, but I feel I have to be honest in my misadventures (Mrs. Mediocrity , don't judge!). Twice now, Ty and I have met up for a sordid, no-strings attached, top secret (even though I told Alissa, partner in bad decision-making), affair. I know, I know, I've just about broken all my rules for my 3 month-to-clarity, but I can't help it! Call me "Yes-Woman."
But, as I think about our past two encounters, the question is: Is there really such things are "no strings attached?" I'm beginning to think not. It we were truly over each other, we wouldn't be doing this. We do quite a bit of "I shouldn't be telling you this but..." prefacing where we reveal to each other things we never planned on telling each other. For example, he told me he had a ring picked out for me. EEEEK!
After though, I don't feel the need to reconcile and reunite. If anything, I feel validated in my decision. However, I have to admit, reader, I think I've damaged him. He's so anti-women, anti-marriage, pro-drunken debauchery (as if to drink it all away). I feel fairly certain our broken relationship and my actions have led to this. In fact, during our last clandestine meeting, I made a fairly harmless comment, "you need a girlfriend." To which he replied, "Why do I need a girlfriend when I can just just have no strings attached sex with you?" While I can't deny we have the physics, I find more and more we just don't have the chemistry...
So, why am I doing this? Are we preventing each other from moving on and meeting other people? Are we just lonely and seeking comfort in each other?
I mean, I think I'm trying to meet people. In fact, I met a really nice guy the other night at my friend Lauren's birthday dinner. We talked all night and I felt we have a connection. It was like a glimmer of hope. After, on the drive home, I called Lauren to get the scoop. Her response was disappointing to say the least: "He's attracted to you, but isn't dating. He's had a lot of relationship issues and just wants to have fun. You guys can be friends, though." While I appreciate the honesty, but really? Haven't we all had relationship woes? Isn't that what you do to get past them, date other people? Spinsterhood is looking more and more appealing everyday.
As the spin cycle ends next door, this wheel-spinning definitely won't. But hey, we all get stuck in the mud occasionally before we get out of our rut and back onto the road. Riding smoothly toward our destination.
I don't judge...I never judge. Well okay, sometimes I do. But not in this case. It is your life, your love life, your affair. And there are no right or wrong answers when it comes to love, we are all just feeling our way along. I would only say this: Don't feel guilty about any potential "damage." He is a big boy, and we all go through this, it is part of life. How he chooses to deal with it, or not, is his problem, his stuff to work out. That's all.
ReplyDeleteExcept that I loved your voice in this one. :)
Thanks for your advice:-)
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